Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
