Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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