I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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