I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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