I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Less talking, more tequila
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
