Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You took a bar mat shot.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
