THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she peed on how many people?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
