Can i not drive my cunt home
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
