I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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