I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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