we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There r osticjed everywhere
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
