she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
