When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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