I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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