The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize