I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
