first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
