I think I died a long time ago.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I deserve this hangover.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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