My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
