so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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