I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
