Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
