i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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