I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
