What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
