my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
