My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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