Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
