i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
