Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
