Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
