I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
