I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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