I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
