The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
