Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
