how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
did you just send me my own nude
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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