i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
