so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
