my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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