just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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