I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
