If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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