Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
