I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
