I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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