Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
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Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
That was before I lit my hair on fire
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize