I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
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Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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