We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize