Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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