I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
