I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
