when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Four minutes until I can fart!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
