in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
