dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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